Gator Attack

I was riding my bike to work, like I do everyday, it's a 2.5 trip through a mild urban jungle, and I was ATTACKED!

As I peddled over the bridge, this rickety excuse for a car pulled up alongside me long enough for a thug in the backseat to throw a full gatorade bottle at me. It hit me in the side and made me wonder about idiocy of humanity. I retaliated as best I could with my middle finger.

But I could do better! I peddled fast enough to catch up with the piece of crap on four wheels. I then leapt on the back of the car, and kicked out the back window. Glass flew everywhere and my fists followed suit. With the thugs in the back dispatched, I knocked out the two in the front, capitalizing on my element of surprise, and took command of the thugmobile. Pulling a high risk u-turn in the middle of an intersection I raced back onto the bridge, braced the unconscious driver's foot against the gas peddle, angled the car towards the bridge railing, and jumped out of the drivers window in an explosion of glass. I am too cool to roll down the window first, or even to open the door.

I rolled to my feet in time to see the bits of metal twist and fly as the car punched through the railing and into the water. I walked back to my bike and headed on to work. No one violently donates gatorade to me without proper repayment.

(Note: only two of the above paragraphs are true.)